“What’s been on my mind Today?-My new Series.
Every day we hear ,listen,read, see and think -we get fed by thoughts, ideas, worldviews, beliefs,unbelief ,assertions,theories …. whether aware or not!
This series is about those Random/Intended thoughts – mine and those I hear/read along the day!
They are raw impulsive musings – especially mine- sometimes only making sense in my context ! The wording is often weak! Most are -spontaneous reflections in their ‘embryonic’ form that will eventually get their own post once they reach full term!”
SO,What’s been on my mind Today ?
[April 21 Sat]
I cannot stop making a comparison between the season I am Now in and when I was in New York- almost 20 years ago,studying dance ,when I got saved ,God told me to leave everything and go back to Martinique….
I remember that it was very easy to obey ,but also ,I was 100 % sure-and very confident that God was up to something better……Doubting was not even a thought-option-
Many similarities, With one major difference – This time I am Fighting off waves of Doubts & Fear….during the New York episode ,Those were Nonexistent !!
I feel weaker now , than 20 years ago!! This is abnormal!!
Why is this ? What’s the difference?
20 years? I am older? Disbelief? Backsliding? Less Zealous?
Obviously not really , I did obey, I gave up everything and left London just like I did for New York, so what’s up?
TIme-is whats up!
When I left New York , I was a baby in God believing His every word- coming from a life of pain to a life that changed overnight into well being/peace/joy/Hope, so it was easier to believe in even better things to come -whatever the price !
As for now ,I have 20 years behind, 20 years where I learn about Gods ways. One of the main lesson is :’sometimes He makes things happened ‘Overnight’ sometimes He doesn’t ! Regardless,in every circumstances – You gotta Trust ,Obey and Praise Him !
Apart from learning about Gods ways, My ‘Achille Talon’ is a ‘load-burden of unfulfilled promises , haunting me- challenging my faith -challenging my choice…
In other words,Looking back at all the’ leave Ur of the chaldees’s seasons’ that still haven’t paid off , still feeling like I haven’t arrived anywhere —–makes me wonder if I am not just plain crazy.
It’s not like I can take a look at my life and ‘see’ results….
Besides God keeps adding promises when none of the original ones have yet come to pass and right now He keeps saying samo samo what He is been saying for years-which is :’ “For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.”
Thats the difference ! Thats the hard part -Waiting…while trying to be sane!
Rema of the day : There is definitely something deeper going on than sunbathing….
Indeed , the ‘Intensity ‘of the season is hitting me ,The Urgency of exercising mucho self discipline with what I have in my hands is crucial…
This is definitely a ‘walk on the Beach season’…