Heart to Heart

My Jesus….
Today is Christmas,apparently your Birthday…
It can’t really be ,coz “you existed before you were born” but anyway, Tradition I guess…

I woke up this morning with a heart not full of you..
I began thinking about my “environment” …
And I lost sight of yours…
I began to indulge into some spiritual mathematics and realized that I had to stop promptly in order not to sink deeper into dark reasoning…

So I chose to read stuffs about you- my blog- your word….
And my heart got lifted up

I was then able to have a heart to heart conversation with you.

Lately I have been making some mental decisions and I was wondering what you thought of them?
I understand that you have given me very specific promises and as I am waiting,you want me to stay put in the place I live and work!
Even though I very often hate my work with a passion and want out of my ‘6 human beings flat-sharing cribb”.

But I have been waiting for so long now, that It can only be closer to “Fulfillment”..
I have made up my mind not to give you anymore “I cant take-it-another-year-deadlines”,I am changing my approach for 2012.No Tantrums, No Rebellion but just Surrender and Trust

But , there is a “meantime”, What to I do in the meantime ?
I am constantly sick at my job (bad air con=Sinus infection=on antibiotic for 3 yrs), and you still are not healing me-:(
Please,I don’t want to stay there any longer.
It is a very “secure” job financially,but I am suffocating physically( health) and mentally(don’t heart it).

So I have been thinking…
Maybe I could at least get out of this job, get a part time job in a creative world ?

You and Me always knew that this job has been everything that I am not-,stretching me,even challenging my I-am-sure-I am-not-stupid”evidence,a place of Xtreme adverse spiritual weather *wilderness,—-not bringing the Best out of me, to the point of even forgetting what could the best of me be!!
As u and me has call it:”a place of death”

With the Increase of health issues,it’s got harder!

But,Surely the Fulfillment of your promise”is closer now!
So Maybe,while I feel like we’r onto the last hill in that journey,maybe just maybe we could lighten it a bit ?

…soooo going back to living with just enough financially shouldn’t last toooooooooooo long !
It does feel like I would be going backwards- after being promoted and financially be in the best place I have never been so far to now want the reverse!
But Maybe you gotta go backwards before going forwards
Maybe it’s a step back before the Big Jump!!
I have been feeling like that for a few years now but I really “feel” very determined about this idea now more than ever, maybe it’s You, in Me!!!
You know I can’t do anything without You..
So Maybe, Maybe….

Thank you my Lord for listening …..and Happy Birthday

I love you



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: